Why I Am Scared To Visit Ryan In Dallas
I have a bad history with Dallas. The first time I went there, it was, like, 1982. So Dallas was very popular. The show, not the city. Well, both the show and the city. But the city was popular because of the show. Anyway, that's not important right now. What is important is that I went to Dallas. I flew into DFW from Salt Lake City. I had a big expense account. I was travelling on business.
I stayed at a hotel in the North part of Dallas. I thought Texas was very flat. I remember that all I could find on my rental car radio was Christian Music or Country. Not my favorites.
But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was later that night. I went back to my hotel, and I tried to go to sleep when I heard a horrible noise. There was a cricket in my room!
Yes, it was what I feared most! A gigantic cricket! And it was chirping and hopping, and hopping and chirping in my room!
I hated that cricket.
Now, some of you might have gotten up out of bed and smashed the cricket. But I couldn't do that. What if the cricket jumped on me? What if while I was trying to smash it, it retaliated by leaping on me, or worse? Too horrible to contemplate.
So I did what any rational human being would do. I went into the bathroom and got a wastebasket, and then I cleverly stalked the cricket until I could capture it underneath the wastebasket.
So now it was like, what?, one a.m., and I had a cricket under a wastebasket in a hotel room in Dallas, Texas. And I went to bed. But I couldn't sleep. Why?
Oh, because, that's why! That cricket kept jumping up and down under that wastebasket all night long! Chirp! Thunk! Chirp! Thunk! Chirp! Thunk! Chirp! Thunk!
In the morning, I wearily and bleary-eyed packed up my belongings and checked out.
To this day I wonder about poor Maria Concepcion, who had to clean my room, and was baffled by the upside down waste basket in the middle of the room.
Oh! Dios Mios!, she said, as she went to retrieve the wastebasket, all upside down in the middle of the room.
She probably screamed and screamed when that cricket jumped out at her.
Next: My Further Unlucky Experiences in Dallas, which culminate in Ryan's parents having to come get us like wayward teenagers.
I stayed at a hotel in the North part of Dallas. I thought Texas was very flat. I remember that all I could find on my rental car radio was Christian Music or Country. Not my favorites.
But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was later that night. I went back to my hotel, and I tried to go to sleep when I heard a horrible noise. There was a cricket in my room!
Yes, it was what I feared most! A gigantic cricket! And it was chirping and hopping, and hopping and chirping in my room!
I hated that cricket.
Now, some of you might have gotten up out of bed and smashed the cricket. But I couldn't do that. What if the cricket jumped on me? What if while I was trying to smash it, it retaliated by leaping on me, or worse? Too horrible to contemplate.
So I did what any rational human being would do. I went into the bathroom and got a wastebasket, and then I cleverly stalked the cricket until I could capture it underneath the wastebasket.
So now it was like, what?, one a.m., and I had a cricket under a wastebasket in a hotel room in Dallas, Texas. And I went to bed. But I couldn't sleep. Why?
Oh, because, that's why! That cricket kept jumping up and down under that wastebasket all night long! Chirp! Thunk! Chirp! Thunk! Chirp! Thunk! Chirp! Thunk!
In the morning, I wearily and bleary-eyed packed up my belongings and checked out.
To this day I wonder about poor Maria Concepcion, who had to clean my room, and was baffled by the upside down waste basket in the middle of the room.
Oh! Dios Mios!, she said, as she went to retrieve the wastebasket, all upside down in the middle of the room.
She probably screamed and screamed when that cricket jumped out at her.
Next: My Further Unlucky Experiences in Dallas, which culminate in Ryan's parents having to come get us like wayward teenagers.
posted by Greg at 11:42 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home