It's All Fun And Games Until Someone Gets Stabbed In The Chest By A Stingray
From USA Today:
"An 81-year-old boater was in critical condition Thursday after a stingray flopped onto his boat and stabbed him, leaving a foot-long barb in his chest, authorities said."
This is ridiculous. First Crocodile Hunter Guy, and now this. Now we don't even have to bother them. They are leaping onto boats to kill us.
This reminds me of why I will never go snorkeling again. I thought I would love it. I love aquariums. I love watching the happy denizens of the sea frolick about. Sometimes I get so close to the glass that my nose almost touches it, and sometimes the happy marine denizens come right up to me.
I thought I would love snorkeling.
The minute I got in the water I realized my mistake.
THERE WAS NO GLASS!!!!
Not only was there no glass, there wasn't anything bewteen me and the vicious marine raptors that were now trying to devour my flesh and leave a sad skeleton floating in the Blue Caribbean.
And who the hell knows what really lurks down there? At one point my legs were dangling between two rock outcroppings with cave-like holes in it. God knows what might come out of those caves to rip my leg off. Or legs, if they live in pairs. Which I am sure marine raptors do. Live in pairs. They probably mate for life and spend their twilight years entertaining their great-grandkids with gruesome stories about all of the stupid snorkelers' legs they ripped off and ate.
I spent the rest of the adventure un-snorkeling by laying on my back with my legs pulled up to my chest and my arms wrapped around me so that the marine raptors couldn't dismember me. Then I realized that probably made me look like a big seal or some other floaty sea mammal that a shark would just love to chomp on.
So I went back to the boat. I swear to God that if I had known that stingrays were likely to jump out of the water and stab me in the chest I would have had a nervous breakdown.
Most of the other snorkelers came back all excited about the beautiful sea life they had seen. You've seen pictures of that type of thing one too many times. But you have probably never seen pictures of what snorkeling is REALLY like. Since there are no photos of the grim reality that I saw, I have produced this very lifelike picture of the vicious world beneath the waves.
"An 81-year-old boater was in critical condition Thursday after a stingray flopped onto his boat and stabbed him, leaving a foot-long barb in his chest, authorities said."
This is ridiculous. First Crocodile Hunter Guy, and now this. Now we don't even have to bother them. They are leaping onto boats to kill us.
This reminds me of why I will never go snorkeling again. I thought I would love it. I love aquariums. I love watching the happy denizens of the sea frolick about. Sometimes I get so close to the glass that my nose almost touches it, and sometimes the happy marine denizens come right up to me.
I thought I would love snorkeling.
The minute I got in the water I realized my mistake.
THERE WAS NO GLASS!!!!
Not only was there no glass, there wasn't anything bewteen me and the vicious marine raptors that were now trying to devour my flesh and leave a sad skeleton floating in the Blue Caribbean.
And who the hell knows what really lurks down there? At one point my legs were dangling between two rock outcroppings with cave-like holes in it. God knows what might come out of those caves to rip my leg off. Or legs, if they live in pairs. Which I am sure marine raptors do. Live in pairs. They probably mate for life and spend their twilight years entertaining their great-grandkids with gruesome stories about all of the stupid snorkelers' legs they ripped off and ate.
I spent the rest of the adventure un-snorkeling by laying on my back with my legs pulled up to my chest and my arms wrapped around me so that the marine raptors couldn't dismember me. Then I realized that probably made me look like a big seal or some other floaty sea mammal that a shark would just love to chomp on.
So I went back to the boat. I swear to God that if I had known that stingrays were likely to jump out of the water and stab me in the chest I would have had a nervous breakdown.
Most of the other snorkelers came back all excited about the beautiful sea life they had seen. You've seen pictures of that type of thing one too many times. But you have probably never seen pictures of what snorkeling is REALLY like. Since there are no photos of the grim reality that I saw, I have produced this very lifelike picture of the vicious world beneath the waves.
posted by Greg at 1:54 PM
1 Comments:
I love your illustration. You could be a marine police sketch artist.
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