Because You Are My Friend....

Pat Sue sent me this. It is the antidote to all of those horribly insipid smiley-face pass-this-on-to-ten-people emails that we all get. Usually from our Mom, our crazy Aunt, or our psychotically religious sister or sister-in-law.

Here it is:

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge
against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I
get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how
much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. When you feel lonely -- Just call me and we'll go do something
(bring your wallet).