Lindsay Is Back In Rehab And/Or The Reanimated Corpse Of Her Long-Dead Twin Needed A Limb Stitched Back On

News reports say that Lindsay Lohan is "back in rehab". So not true.

This is obviously just another attempt to distract the press from the fact that Lindsay is currently building a sun-proof bunker 500 feet below the beaches of SoCal to protect her increasingly fragile vampire body from sun (and possibly wind) damage.

LA doesn't know what's coming. While Lindsay's Twin's Reanimated Corpse is running around pretending to be Lindsay, checking into rehab, winking at Dina The Werewolf behind reporters' backs, and plotting in her reanimated mind how she is going to become Lindsay PERMANENTLY, the real Lindsay is laying the groundwork for the total annihilation of all who have defied Her.

By utter coincidence, I happened to receive in the mail today a copy of a video that Lindsay made depicting what she plans to do in every LA nightclub. Starting with any club that admitted Paris Hilton.

Watch as Lindsay's Training Video shows how she will enter a nightclub, gobble up body parts, and set everyone on fire as she exits.