And My Most Unusual Domestic Hotel Stays...

In the United States:

1. Sterling, Utah

2. Barstow, California

3. Lewisburg, West Virginia

4. Pocatello, Idaho

5. Holland, Michigan

The Five Most Unusual International Places I Have Spent The Night In A Hotel

I have decided to start a new game. We all need to list 5 interesting places where we have spent the night. In a hotel. Staying with friends doesn't count.

My list is certainly not very bizarre. I am sure I have many friends with more unusual places. But I still feel that I can beat the average American.

OK. So here is my list, in no particular order:

1. Iqaluit, Canada

2. Avranches, France

3. Puebla, Mexico

4. Narita, Japan

5. Cardiff, Wales

Send me your list via email and I will post it.

And Speaking Of Puerto Vallarta....

This is David, floating serenely in Banderas Bay. He claims this is the most peaceful he has ever felt in his life, and he has taken this picture and put it up on the wall in his office. I think he looks pretty damn peaceful, don't you?

Late Friday Night Travelogue

I took this picture on the Malecon in Puerto Vallarta.

Quote Of The Day

From a comment on Balloon Juice (one of my favorite blogs) re: Britney Spears/Paris Hilton/Lindsay Lohan

"If we splice their DNA together, we will create the Savior or the Anti-Christ. It’s a toss up. Either way, it will be a slutty whore who can’t sing."

- Andrew

Tragedy, Or TV-Viewing Interruption? You Decide.

Last night the lead story on our local Louisville station was the tragic shooting of a high school student in the Denver area. SWAT teams, hostages, tragic deaths, suicide gunman. A tragedy to be sure. Newsworthy indeed.

"Hey" I said to David, "I'll call Pat Sue and find out what's going on. Surely she will have some insight into this, what with her living in Denver and all."

I called Pat Sue and asked her about the terrible tragedy unfolding in her hometown.

"Umm, yeah, it's pretty terrible," she answered distractedly, "Hey, we're watching 'America's Next Top Model' right now. Can I call you back tomorrow?"

Oh, Dear Ryan, I Am Sending Many Happy Thoughts

I am knowing that I am promising not to be writing on this blog. But I am being so distressed by exploding appendix of dear friend Ryan, that I am not being able to stop my own self.

Oh dearest Ryan, I am being with much sympathy of you. There is being this one time, in Varna, when my cousin Alexandra, the daughter of Baba Anyeska's cousin Tito, you know, the one with the wooden ear? Yes, him. His daughter, my cousin Alexandra, she is working at job gluing tiny plastic ends of shoelace to shoelaces. It is being most prestigious job, working for BulgoLace Factory #6. Many girls are being on waiting list. My cousin Alexandra, she is always being ready, no matter where, to point out her work, she is being that proud. It is being most exciting to be in BulgoMall and be hearing her happy shout of "Oh, look! Look! That woman there is having tiny plastic end of shoelace that I am gluing." It is being like shopping with Rock Star.

One day while gluing tiny plastic ends of shoelace to shoelaces, Alexandra is feeling most unusual. Perhaps she is eating bad sheep cheese? Or maybe tainted greens? Alexandra is not knowing, but pain is getting worse. Finally, she is knowing she must be going to medical center. The pain is so great she is losing concentration and has glued tiny plastic end of shoelace to finger in error!

Alexandra is crying out in pain and fear. Supervisor Olga Petrova is calling special Bulgarian emergency number. Quickly she is dialing 999-111-9-111-888-777-999-3!

Once loaded into ambulance, Alexandra is being speedily driven to BulgoMed #8. BulgoMed#7 is being closer but is being closed for lunch. Ambulance man is examining Alexandra and is deciding appendix is exploded! Emergency of surgery is being needed!

Arriving at BulgoMed#8, Alexandra is being readied for emergency appendix removal! Top surgeons begin to operate! But what is this? Where is appendix? It is being missing? Top surgeons are being confused and are having brief meeting. It is being decided to remove spleen. After all, Alexandra is already being open. And spleen is being so unnecessary.

And so Alexandra is waking up several hours later, losing spleen, but gaining tiny plastic end of shoelace on finger. After BulgoMed#7 is back from lunch, doctors there are confirming that Alexandra's appendix is already exploded and removed many years ago.

Now Alexandra is working at BulgoTel Direct Marketing. Tiny plastic end of shoelace on finger is allowing speedy pushing of telephone buttons, and Alexandra is selling more subscriptions to Varna Scene Monthly than any other operator. In all, a happy ending. But still, pain in stomach is being mystery.

Perhaps bad sheep cheese, after all.

Be getting well soon, dearest Ryan!

GET WELL SOON, RYAN!!!

Our dear friend Ryan had a lovely hospital stay these last few days. What he thought might have been a bout of food poisoning or some other minor stomach ailment turned out to be, alas, a ruptured appendix. Fortunately, he was in Midland TX visiting his parents at the time, and is now able to recuperate with family to help out. He will return to Dallas next week.

I am sure many of you are thinking "Oh, well, appendicitis, big deal.". It is actually very serious. I know some of you may need visual aids, and so I have taken the liberty of producing this dramatization of what might have happened had his appendix burst while visiting me. This is, of course, a worst case scenario.

WARNING: This photo is graphic in nature and not for the sqeamish or faint of heart.

Louisville

I am posting this picture just because I like it. This is downtown Louisville as seen from the paddle-wheeler "The Belle of Louisville" as it pulls away from the dock.

That's why you can see smoke in the corner. It is coming from the steam engine. We can hear the horn (or whistle, or whatever it is) from our house.

Whoo whoo!

We'll Begin With Lastenia

Lastenia has the good fortune to be from Chicago, which is still one of my favorite cities in the world. It ranks up there with Boston, Paris and Mexico City. This is one of my favorite pictures of Chicago.

Attention Former Council Employees!

Do any of you recognize this sandwich board? You know you do. And I know you hate the sight of it as much as I do.

I'll bet no one can identify the office. I didn't take this picture, and I never visited this office. That should help you figure it out.

My Hometown

This is a picture of Bakersfield. I am going to post photos of my friends' hometowns, too. Watch for yours!

Ryan's Kentucky Exhibit

When Ryan lived in Houston he had this tasteful display of all things Kentucky on one of his shelves. From left to right we see coasters from Churchill Downs, Bourbon coffee beans, and three different Derby glasses, each formerly housing a mint julep imbibed in Kentucky on Derby Day by Ryan himself.

I wonder if he has a Kentucky Exhibit in his new home in Dallas?

Louisville Is Under A Tornado Watch Tonight And There Is Lots Of Lightning And Wind And Rain And All Sorts Of Scary Shit

Friday Afternoon Travelogue, Part Two

This is David and Janet on the shores of Lake Michigan. This was taken last year on our trip to Whitehall MI, Janet's hometown. This beach happens to be in Muskegon, but the whole shore along this area is beautiful. When I show this picture to people they assume it is some glamorous seaside resort like Miami or San Diego.

Kelsea's New Look

Those of you who have met Kelsea might not recognize her now.








There was an unfortunate dog-grooming mixup that left Kelsea bald. Yes, this is what she looks like after it's grown out a few weeks. But I like it. It's much more youthful. And you know we all want to look much more youthful.

Friday Afternoon Travelogue

Here are a couple of pictures from my trip a few years back to Iqaluit, the capital of the newest Canadian province of Nunavut.

Above we have a view of the Iqaluit skyline, as seen from the pier. Below, a stopsign in English and Inuit in downtown Iqaluit.

"Tainted Greens"

That's what they called the recalled spinach in USA Today. "Tainted greens"

*******************************************************************

"Oh Clive, my darling, my love , my passionate fool. How happy am I today?"

"I know not my Jasmine, my one and only, my love, but I am sure that I am equally as happy."

"Oh Clive, I wanted this to be the best anniversary yet!"

"And you have succeeded my love, for here we are at "Popeye's Bistro", the restaurant where we had our first date. Do you remember how wonderful it was to find a restaurant that served only our favorite greens: Spinach!"

"Oh, how we both love spinach! Fresh spinach, all bejewled with the first drops of dew from a summer's morn. Cooked spinach, all goodly, healthy greenness, steamed with just a hint of prosciutto and served atop a salmon grilled all afresh in the crisp mountain air!"

"Spinach souffle! Spinach spanakopita! Spinach puree! What could be more healthy, more nutritious than nature's own bounteous greens?."

"And how sweet of you, Clive, to order ahead the Chef's Special Baby Spinach salad, lovingly prepared with spinach flown is specially from California. As we entered the restaurant tonight, I saw the table, the candles, the flowers! I knew that were in for night of rapture and bliss. Oh how I devoured that salad, each tender leaf reminding me of you and... that....night.....Oh, my."

"Is something amiss my love? You look a tad pale."

"Oh, I am sure it is nothing. I just....oh my....oh dear!"

"Jasmine, my love, my angel, I beg you to not worry your picture-perfect head, but I can see a commotion in the restaurant behind you, and I fear we must depart immediately for our abode."

"I do feel a bit.....unsightly, my dearest most darling Clive....but perhaps after a moment I'll feel.....better....."

"No, my most precious Jasmine, I am afraid you will not. For I am also afflicted with the same malady, as are many diners that surround us. Quickly, my love, quickly! Thank the stars that we live just around the corner. Thank the heavens above that we have two personal hygiene areas awaiting us. But we must be off!"

"Oh no, Clive, no!, I fear I begin to see what this is all about. My queasiness, my dizziness are all soon to be overshadowed by more hideous and embarrassing issues, are they not, Clive? Oh, I pray you Clive, tell me I am mistaken!'

"Sadly, my love you are correct.....and...we.....must leave in haste."

"Oh please, oh no, oh dear tell me it's not....!"

"It is, it is,! Oh, Jasmine, it is! Oh dear God, it's what we fear most........Tainted Greens!"

Princess Juliana Landings

This is a video for true air travel buffs. It is a montage of aircraft landing in St Maarten. I can think of no other place on earth where you can go to the beach and have a 747 land only a few feet above your head.

Wee Bear Forced To Dress As Corn

It's that time of year again. Yes, Halloween is approaching. I love Halloween. I'm sure most of you love Halloween.

But Wee Bear does not love Halloween.

Do you know why?

Because every year his Mother makes him wear the corn-cob costume. Because she made it for him two years ago for the Thanksgiving pageant and worked her fingers to the bone after a long day at the Kwikee-Save to make sure that she didn't look like a loser in front of Ms. Tremple the oh-so-perky kindergarten teacher who had never had to put in an honest day's work in her life.

And when he asks if he can have a Spiderman costume or go out dressed as a pirate, she momentarily raises her eyes from her double gin-and-tonic and hisses:

"You'll wear the costume I give you, and be grateful I didn't make you wear a dress and dance."

Then Wee Bear reluctantly puts on his Corn-Cob Costume, and goes out into the night.

Ridiculous Job Title

I was looking at job postings today, and I was greeted with this abomination:

"Retail Sleep Counselor"

Or, as I like to call it: Mattress Salesman.

Yes, it was a job posting for Mattress World. Selling mattresses. I would just like to know what the world has come to that we have to invent such a stupid-sounding job title. In fact, this is a huge problem for me as I search for a job. No one posts a job as "waiter/waitress" or "telemarketer" or "cashier". No, everyone is now a "Customer Service Representative", or a "Team Member".

The local paper no longer has job listings under "restaurant", now they are listed as "Hotel/Hospitality". I find it bizarre that they consider being a front desk clerk and a waiter similar enough that they should be grouped together under one category.

Oh, and Fifth Third Bank no longer has tellers or branch managers. They have customer service associates and customer service managers.

Of course, all of this is to disguise the fact that every single one of these jobs is really sales. There is no such thing as customer service, there is only sales. But for some reason no one wants to admit that they are looking for a sales person. One of the things you can count on when looking for a job is the less that they mention sales, the more sales the job will require.

For Those Of You Who Are Just Joining Us...

You should read the whole blog from the beginning. Blogs read backwards. I know this is hard for you non-technical non-blogger types to understand, but try and keep up, OK?

The links to the right will take you to the archives, and you can then be sure not to miss a single entry!

No, Ryan! No! Bad Bad Bad!

What is Ryan doing? Does he not read "No Blue Drinks"? Apparently not, for if he had, he would have never, never, never hoisted a blue drink at me in this contemptuous fashion.

Maybe he thinks that because he lives in Texas he can do whatever he wants. Well, he is wrong.

Kelsea Wishes To Let It Be KnownThat She Is NOT Excited About Halloween

And I, for one, do not understand why. As you can see in this picture from last Halloween, she has a very nice costume. And yet, she does not seem as happy as she could about it.

Obviously, Kelsea is being ungrateful. Perhaps she doesn't realize that there are many tiny dogs in the world that do not get to wear nice witch costumes on Halloween.

Comments

A lot of people said they were confused about what they had to do to add a comment. I had it set for the highest security level to keep out spambots that send comments to blogs like "I love yer blog. Do yu know that yu can buy VIAGRA from us fur only pennys?! Chek out www.uzbekviagra.ru and see for yorself!!!".

I have gone ahead and enabled comments for anyone. When you post a comment two things will happen. First you will be asked to verify the word that you see on the screen. Next, the comment will be sent to me and I will have to approve it. So there might be a lag between when you comment and when you see it on my blog.

Those of you who were able to comment before will be able to keep on doing so just the same. Please remember that ANYONE can read the comments. If you write "PatSue is a shrieking harpy and I hope that her boobs end up sagging so low that she trips over them everytime she tries to get the mail.", she will see it and take action accordingly. You have been warned.

Boo-Puff Sez: It's Almost Time For Halloween!

Yes everyone that's right! Halloween will be here soon and in only a few weeks it will be time to decorate!

I will be able to get out my haunted pirate ship, my scary animated scarecrow with pumpkinhead, my many spooky candles, my CD of haunted house noises, my stuffed bat, my pumpkin pillow, my scary doorknob decorations, my ghosts on a stick to put in the yard, my orange light-up pumpkin, my purple light-up pumpkin, my bat on a stick to put in the yard, and many other things too numerous to mention.

This year I bought something new: a giant spiderweb! It comes with 4 spiders!

Like My Mother Always Said...

It's all fun a games until someone gets hit on the head with a dead puppy.

This Weekend, Macy's Helps Make America A Duller Place

This weekend marks a milestone in the dullification of America. Macy's will replace all of its regional store names, such as Marshall Fields and Filene's, with the Macy's name and logo. They are touting this as a wonderful event, because now there will be a Macy's "everywhere you go.".

Ugh.

I do not want to find a Macy's everywhere I go. I want to find Macy's in New York, where it belongs.

I am well aware I am in the minority. Most Americans want anyplace they go to be just like home, and home to be like everywhere else. They want to eat at Olive Garden when they are in Times Square, and they want to shop at Macy's when they are back in Omaha.

Years ago I used to clothes shop on every trip out of town, just so I could have something to wear that wasn't exactly like what everyone else had. Those days are gone. I can't think of the last time I shopped while on a trip.

Blogging From Afar

I am not in Louisville today. I am blogging from a glamorous location in another state. Here is a picture of the city I am visiting:
Can you guess where I am?

David Wants To Move

David is tired of taking care of the yard. He wants a condo in a lovely historic building with no lawn to mow. This is the building he prefers. It is only one street over from where we are now. It is a 150 year-old mansion that has been divided up into condos, the largest of which is 3,500 sq. feet. It is hard to imagine that a single family once lived here. It is now 8 condos. Did I mention that the largest is 3,500 sq. feet? The smallest is 1,200 sq. feet. How much space did one family need in 1890?

Sadly, these condos are not a bargain, so I doubt we will move soon.

No Blue Drinks! Not Even For Parrots! Not Anyone, Not Anything, Not Ever!

Oh Dear! Oh My! Janet is violating so many rules in this photo that I was forced to lay down for a wee bit and revive myself with a strong shot of Kentucky Bourbon. Let's see how many errors we can spot, shall we?



The first and most obvious error is the blue drink itself. No blue drinks! Janet has apparently not been paying attention.

But there is a second error here: the pre-packaged malt beverage! These are all, of course, an abomination. These are alcoholic kool-aid and have no place in a civilized adult's liquor collection.

The third error (and perhaps the most egregious) is that she is letting her parrot Kookie drink. Any fool knows that a parrot can't hold her liquor. I am sure that there are some later photos that Janet thought too indiscreet to be posted on the internet. Photos of Kookie picking up a transvestite hooker in a tatty Key West bar. Or something similar.

Well folks, this is pretty much it. I never thought I would have to warn you against this, but now I see I must.

No serving blue malt beverages to a parrot! Ever!

The Patio Might Be Nice, Too

There is always the option of brunch on the patio as well. The rhodondendrons and hostas are blooming, so there are some very pretty flowers to look at while we eat. And when we have finished that second pitcher of mimosas we can play croquet on the lawn.

Boring Sunday

It is a lovely day here. The weather is perfect. It would be a wonderful morning to have brunch on the porch. With mimosas, of course.

Butterflies Aplenty!

Louisville is on the monarch butterflies' migration path, so there have been butterflies everywhere the last couple of weeks. If you look in the center of this picture you can see the monarch resting in our crepe myrtle, on its way to Mexico.

Next year I am going to plant a butterfly garden so that they will have a nice place to stop when they get tired.

Vodkatology

Kathleen came to visit a while back, and during her visit David bought his first piece of original art. He negotiates very well. Kathleen and I agreed that the art was great, but David was adamant as to how much he was willing to pay. I will not divulge the price, as that would be unseemly. But David prevailed. He got great art at a bargain price, and this wonderful painting is going to be the showpiece of our basement Groove Lounge. It's called "Vodkatology"...