"I Hope You Can See This Because I'm Doing It As Hard As I Can."

And so it has come to this. A marketing campaign for a cartoon has supposedly "panicked" a city. Namely, Boston. As far as I can tell, no Bostonians were running up and down the street, arms in the air, hair in disarray. shrieking "Oh, Why? Oh Why God? Why Me?".

It is obvious from all reports that the only people who felt "panic" were City Officials who overreacted. This is why the terrorists have won. We are scared of advertising devices made up of lite-brites and batteries.

I have seriously had it. They have actually arrested some poor slob who was hired to place these little marketing gimmicks around Boston.

This is it guys. Anyone up for our own island in the Caribbean?

Molly Ivins Died Today...

...and America lost a great writer and one of the few sane people left in national politics.

A very sad day, indeed.

Short Flights

The shortest flight in the world is from Westray to Papa Westray in the Orkney Islands. The distance is 1 1/2 miles and it takes 2 minutes.

The shortest flight I ever took was from Philadelphia to Blue Bell, PA a distance of 17 miles and about 10 minutes.

After that was Ithaca to Elmira, 30 miles, about 15 minutes.

Spanish Lesson

Shocking Study

The BBC reports that studies have shown that people who consume alcohol mixed with energy drinks such as RedBull don't feel as drowsy as people who just drink alcohol, leading them to cautiously propose that caffeine or taurine may help drinkers keep their energy levels up.

Wow. There's a surprise. I mean, who could have possibly seen that one coming? That you might use an energy drink to counteract feeling drowsy when you're drunk.

Caffeine to counter drowsiness? Color me skeptical.

This Is The Britney Image As It Was In My Dream

I Had A Strange Dream Last Night

I dreamed that Alexis and I were hired by Council Travel to design a give-away item for Council's new Britney Spears promotional tie-in. After much discussion we decided on a small heart-shaped pillow, pink satin on one side, black on the other. One side would feature the Council logo, the other would feature the Britney Spears logo, which Alexis had deisgned herself.

It depicted Britney with a single tear trailing down her face, with a spider dangling off the end.

When I asked Alexis if such a deisgn would be approved, she said "Of course, it is what I always use for my Britney Spears promotions."

In the dream, I had the task of reviewing all of Britney's music videos for design purposes, and I did it with the sound off. Oddly, in every video, Britney was wearing a Cher-like 80's gown, complete with elaborate headdress.

What an odd dream! I vividly rember the Britney logo, and will draw it and post it soon.

Light Blogging

Due to the visit from David House, there were no posts this weekend. I have an evening ahead of me with not much to do, so I'll try to catch up.

Why Is Alexis Wearing A Crown? So Baffling....

My Good Friend, Lastenia Suarez, Recently Had Justin Timberlake Over For Drinks, And This Is What She Served.

This is a real picture. It is not pretend. Lastenia would not be this happy if the picture were pretend. She would be all, like "Hey, Why the hell is this photo fake?".

That's probably what she would say if this photo were fake. Which it isn't. Which is why she is so happy.

Oh, and, by the way, Justin Timberlake LOVED the orange with relish toothpicks and curly things and radishes.

He loved it. He ate all of the olives and asked for more olives but there weren't any more olives so he had to do without.

So sad.

Dance, Joe, Dance! Shake It For The Money, Baby!

Proof That Mermaids Live In Lake Michigan

Kelly Osbourne? Or Kathleen Osborn? You Decide.

Oh My Heck! David House Decided To Go On Yet ANOTHER Mission!

Oh, Look! Alexis Is Wearing A Stupid Blue Hat With A Red Flower!

And Just Because I Can....

...and because I am sooooo bored, I am totally going Paint on all of your asses.

Prepare to be mocked by Paint.

Quote Of The Day

"Everybody lives for the music-go-round"

- Kim Wilde

PatSue ClaimsThat I Might Have Been Drunk When I Made A Blog Post

Well, that may or may not be true, but more importantly PatSue used to be a blond tart, as this obviously un-retouched photo documents 0h-too-well.

Ryan Called Me A Forgetful Doddering Old Pa-Paw

Some of you may not remember what Ryan looks like so I have provided this handy, recent, obviously un-retouched photo for your benefit.

Japanese Lesson

Strange Places I Have Spent The Night

For some reason it popped into my head to make a list of odd places I have spent the night. Here it is:

In the US:

Salina, KS
Sterling, UT
Barstow, CA
Tucumcari, NM
Utica, NY
Scranton, PA
Lewisburg, WV
St George, UT
Hyannis, MA

Abroad:

Iqaluit, Canada
Ghent, Belgium
Puebla, Mexico
Enghien-les-Bains, France
Avranches, France
Basel, Switzerland
Narita, Japan
Stuttgart, Germany

I'm sure there are more.

I would really like to read your list of odd places. For example, I know for a fact that Ryan and Julie have been to Thailand and have stayed in odd places. And Kathleen has been to the Baltics, and PatSue to Bulgaria, and Janet to weird places in Central America. Oh! And Carissa, with her "oh poor me, all I get to do is jetset around the South Pacific, boo hoo, my life sucks, boo hoo, I live in Sydney and get to lay on the beach everyday looking at hottie Aussies in tiny bathing suits , boo hoo" thing going on.

Please share.

Everybody Please Stand And Sing Along

Quote Of The Day

" Madonna: A truly unremarkable "singer" who gained fame by courting controversy and flexing her once-attractive body. Wore out her shock value, among other things, a full 2 decades ago, yet won't stop trying to rile baby-boomers with puerile symbolism. Dangling from a big plastic cross just isn't edgy anymore, not even close. Married third-rate English film director and now speaks with atrociously fake British accent, like nobody's heard her talk before. Purchased an African infant as a fashion accessory in a vainglorious case of celebrity see celebrity do. Fighting the aging process so furiously that she looks like an overly-muscled dude with a doughy ass. A Kabbalah "mystic," which means she pays charlatans exorbitant sums to help her justify her psychotic egocentrism and total inauthenticity. "
- from the "50 Most Loathsome"

Update On Our Potential Move

Well, the open house Sunday was a bust. Only five people showed up. The weather was truly horrible. We had a mini ice-storm and it was gray and icky and cold and icy and windy.

One woman said our house was "too big". I find that hard to believe since it comes in at just over 1600 sq. feet if you count in the attic room.

Stupid bitch.

What Kathleen Was Really Thinking In Albuquerque

A Fun List

The 50 Most Loathsome People

French Lesson

It's All Fun And Games Until The Realtor Messes With Pat Sue

Here Is A Nice Picture That I Drew For All Of You

Quote Of The Day

"President Bush has unveiled his plan to achieve the top goal of his presidency: a popularity rating of zero."

- Scott Adams

Here Is A Picture of Kathleen, Carissa and PatSue At The Last Council Meeting In Albuquerque

David House Is Coming To Visit Me On Thursday. Yay!

Oh Do It, Bob, Do It! Bite The Wiener!

I Haven't Posted Much Lately....

...because I have actually been busy this week. What with showing the house, making an offer on the new house and having every job opportunity that I have been working on over the last three months deciding to all call me to schedule interviews RIGHT NOW, I have suddenly gone from bored and lethargic to overworked and stressed.

Plus I had to visit the Medieval Barber this week, made a mistake in my checking account, and everyone who has ever visited here is trying to schedule one last visit to the Nice House On Goddard Ave. before we sell it. That part is actually cool. It makes me happy to know that everyone loves this house as much as I do.

But to update you on the house sale thing, we have an open house today, so please think good thoughts, keep your fingers crossed and perhaps chant something, light some candles, and invoke They Who Live Beyond Time, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

The New House is really cool. It is a Victorian Bungalow, and has all of the weird little quirks that you would expect of a house specifically designed to be as formal and uncomfortable as possible. It has a tiny formal front parlor for receiving guests, and David has promised that if we get this house I can design and furnish a real Victorian parlor. I have already enlisted Kathleen, and we are going to shop for furniture that requires you to perch awkwardly on the edge of your seat in restrictive clothing, whilst balancing a wee cup of tea and a dainty sandwich and making stilted conversation.

The Victorians were such fun!

Most Ridiculous Job Ever

I just came back from a job interview at City Cafe, the little eatery down the street. I thought it would be an easy way to make a little money while I look for a real job.

But then he explained to me what they were looking for: someone to come in from 1130a-100p, Monday -Saturday, for $6 an hour.

Yes, an hour or so a day, six days a week, right in the middle of the day, thus making it impossible for you to do anything else.

I sincerely cannot think of any person, no matter what their situation, that would find this job useful to them.

The Winner Of An Award That You Didn't Know Existed

From Wikipedia:

"In the summer of 2005, Lucille Ball was voted America's most beloved deceased star. "

More Weather Weirdness

I was looking out of the back window just now, and noticed with a shock that the Carolina Jessamine is blooming. This plant usually blooms in January or February in the Deep South, but we are at the very northern limit of where it grows. Last year it bloomed in late March/early April.

Although it did drop slightly below freezing last night, today is supposed to be 55 and sunny, and lows will be in the 50's for the rest of the week.

We have not had our fireplace on since the one time we tried it earlier in the year. It just gets too warm.

I was thinking of that article that I read that said that Louisville's climate from here on out will be more like north Florida. That makes me wonder: What kind of overheated hell is Florida going to become?

Quote Of The Day

"Like the Whig gentry who were the Founders, I loathe populism. Most especially in the form of populist religion, i.e., the current pestiferous bible-banging evangelicals, whom I regard as organized ignorance, a menace to public health, to science, to medicine, to serious Western religion, to intellect and indeed to sanity. Evangelicalism, driven by emotion, and not creedal, is thoroughly erratic and by its nature cannot be conservative. "

- Jeffrey Hart

You Can't Make This Kind Of Thing Up

Just so you know, the current Miss Tennessee is Blaire Pancake.

Since living in Louisville, I have met a former Miss America and am now distantly related by marriage to a former Miss Tennessee.

Oddly, I went all of my life without meeting any former Miss Anythings until I moved here.

If you doubt that Kentucky is the South, that should end it.

Foreign Food

David's family lives in suburban Owensboro, which is about as far from cosmopolitan as one can get and still have indoor plumbing. But, suprisingly, there is an excellent Mexican restaurant right next door to his parent's apartment complex.

The food is fantastic, but apparently "foreign" in Owensboro. So foreign, in fact, that the owners of the restaurant felt it necessary to publish this handy guide to Mexican food on the menu.

I found it very amusing and I am sure you will, too.

I Love This Picture

This pic is at the top of the RedState blog. Remember, RedState is a blog for boring, stupid, middle-class white older male suburbanites who think that Reader's Digest is literature and that a McMansion, an SUV, football and a job in a cubicle is the apex of American Culture and needs to be protected. They have wasted their lives and want to be praised and admired for doing nothing but taking up space, breathing, and exisiting.

And so, it is very telling that they find this picture insulting. I am not the least bit insulted. And I doubt that you are either. In fact, I am going to put this on a t-shirt and wear it around town.

Out Of Town

I will be attending a wedding out of town this weekend, so I will not be posting anything new until Monday. During my absence please enjoy this LaToya Jackson crossword puzzle.

Just In Case You Have Forgotten...

Our House Is For Sale

Yes, the beautiful little house on Goddard Ave that I love is for sale.

We are looking for a small property to renovate and rent, or a multi-family property, or some sort of combo of the above.

I love this house so much. You cannot imagine how much it will hurt me to leave. But it makes sense from a financial and a career standpoint. David wants to become a landlord (i.e. slumlord) with many properties around town, and we have to start somewhere.

Anyway, I'm trying to keep a brave face.

But it's hard.

Louisville's Weather

According to the paper today, our local micro-climate is changing. The levels of stuff in the air have increased the cloud cover through much of the year, and we are getting much more summer rain, much higher temperatures, and our climate is turning semi-tropical.

The experts cited said that our weather was becoming less like the Ohio Valley and more like Tampa.

In other words, dry sunny winters (it is 60 degrees today), and wet, humid summers.

Basically, we are living in a river valley that has turned into a tropical greenhouse.

It may not be long before my "indoor plants" become my "outdoor plants"

Another Good Recipe

I made a delicious and easy Cream of Spinach soup the night before last. It seemed like a soup night, as there was bit of a chill in the air. Of course, we are pretty much halfway through winter, and a "chill in the air" is pretty much the coldest we have gotten. I'll go into that later.

Anyway, I found a great soup recipe that is delicious and really easy to make. I used spinach, but any vegetable(s) will do.

Cook 1 10 oz package of frozen vegetables in 1 1/2 cups of broth. Add anything you like: sauteed onions or mushrooms, roasted red pepper, garlic...whatever.

Pour the cooked vegetable/broth mixture into the blender. Let it cool! Otherwise hot vegetable crap will fly up into your face from the blender and you will be ugly for the rest of your life.

When the stuff in the blender has cooled, puree it until desired consistency. Like, if you are someone who likes chunky bits in your soup, stop when there are still chunky bits in the blender. Or if you like your soup all smooth and creamy just let the blender go 'round and 'round until it is creamy. But remember: Don't make the blender go "whirr! whirr!" until the stuff inside has cooled down. Once again: hot stuff + your face = ow! ow! ow!

Now, in another pan melt three tablespoons of butter. Real butter. It won't kill you. When the butter is all melted stir in 1/4 cup of flour until it is all pasty in the pan. Now, gradually add 3 cups of milk, stirring until it is all mixed up and has no lumps. Now just let it heat over medium heat. The recipes always say "stir constantly until thickened", but that is really boring and takes a long time and I never do it. I just stir it once in a while so it doesn't burn.

When it gets all thick and bubbly stir all of the stuff out of the blender into it, and heat it through.

Done!

I topped mine with some shredded asiago cheese. It was really good. I used sauteed onions and spinach as my vegetables, with chicken broth. But any combo should do.

Enjoy!

Tiny Wiener?

My Benedictine Recipe

Benedictine is a Louisville staple. It was invented by Jennie Carter Benedict at the turn of the last century. She served it in her ladies' Tea Room for afternoon tea. As a gimmick she dyed it bright green, ands served it on pink bread that she made herself. Today you can still buy Benedictine in Louisville grocery stores, and it is always a ghastly bright green.

I always make my own, and it is not green. This is probably the simplest thing to make in the world, and it is delicious on bagels. I also love to make Benedictine and bacon sandwiches. That is as close to heaeven as you will get.

Benedictine recipe:

1 half cucumber
1/4 onion
8 oz cream cheese, room temperature

Puree the cucumber and onion. Smoosh together with the cream cheese till thoroughly blended. Put back in the fridge.

Done! Easy and delicious. You can fiddle with the ratio of ingredients until you get it the way you like. Some people also add garlic powder or garlic salt, or a dash of tabasco.

I served this to Kathleen on a visit and she loved it so much that she now makes it for guests in San Diego.

Today We Are Having A New Year's Day Brunch

Our brunch will only be bagels, homemade Benedictine, homemade smoked salmon spread, plain cream cheese, and baked eggs in ham cups. But I thought about putting it out on an attractive shelf. Or maybe I will just use a table.