Ej izi faz pöt e iz lett e sis?

Ösj nö kred e iz pöt. Ösj fis krej es lang si. Ösj fis inventt es. Set imajienn. S’na sjiest.

Ej izi faz pöt e iz lett e sis, iziz intelligent plö ka min.

And Just Because You All Asked For It, Here Is A Picture of Lindsay Lohan NOT Looking Like A Coked-Out Whore

Just because you asked....

If Paris Hilton Thinks That You Are A Coked-Out Whore, How Low, Exactly, Have You Sunk?

I mean, seriously.

Dear Lindsay Lohan,

Paris Hilton, I repeat, PARIS FUCKING HILTON!!!!, thinks you are a coked-out whore. How low exactly can that place you on the celebrity-o-meter?

Lower than K-Fed? Lower than an Olsen Twin? Lower than TARA REID???????

I await a reply.

Quote Of The Day

"You're a fucking coked-out whore; don't ever say you're my friend again!"

Paris Hilton to Lindsay Lohan, from The Superficial

A Christmas Reminder!!!

This Makes Me Very Melancholy

This is a sad moment in airline history:

"The last scheduled DC10 passenger flight in the U.S. will be Northwest Flight 98, currently scheduled to depart Honolulu on Jan. 7, 2007, and arrive in Minneapolis the morning of Jan. 8. "

The DC10 has a very long history with me. The very first flight I ever took was a Western Airlines DC10 from Los Angeles to Mexico City. That was in 1977.

I flew many, many DC10's over the years. I flew them from Salt Lake to LA, from Denver to Chicago, from Chicago to Detroit, from Miami to Lima and on to Santiago, from Lima to Caracas with a stop in Bogota, from LA to Honolulu, from Boston to LA via Newark and Minneapolis, in and out of Houston more times than I can count.

The last flight I took on a DC10 was with Julie from Paris to Detroit. That plane had definitely seen better days. The seats were worn and torn, and the lights didn't work in our row. It was not a nice flight, for sure.

The DC10 is a leftover from the years when airline travel was fun and glamorous. Continental had "Sky Pubs", a bar in the mid-section of the plane where you could hang out while you were flying.

Sigh.

Now the best I can hope for is a Barbie Jet.

I'm Annoyed

I tried to post a very nice video. But stupid You Tube has not posted it yet. I don't know why.

So here is a picture that I like:

Alix With Pilgrims, Plimouth Plantation, circa 1985

On The Road To Nashville!

We're on the road to Nashville! So no emails or blog posts for a few days. We're planning on being back Saturday, I think.

Happy Thanksgiving To You All!

Just Because

That's why I'm posting this photo. Just because. This is a picture of my Grandmother in the 1920's. I have always loved it. They all look really happy and they seem to be having a good time. And I also love the fact that the little guy in the front is clearly a Bad Boy.

I like to imagine that my great-grandparents didn't approve of him because they thought that he was a ne'er-do-well, a rapscallion, or a cad. Or maybe a bounder. He might have enticed my grandmother to cut a rug. Maybe they yelled 23-SKIDOO! right before they went to a speakeasy. He probably liked to do the Charleston.

In case you are wondering, this is not my Grandfather. Nor is the other guy. This is just my Grandmother being young in the 1920's.

I really love this picture.

David Says Happy Thanksgiving Too!

This is the picture he colored. I printed it out from a coloring website and then David colored it. David wants everyone to know that he "worked really hard to stay in the lines, focus on details and make this a perfect pretty picture."

Holiday Suggestion

Since most of you will probably be attending some sort of Holiday Gathering this weekend, I thought you might like a recipe suggestion. I am sure this will be a crowd pleaser. If you don't need it for Thanksgiving you could file it away and use it for the Office Christmas Party.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am going to post a lot of stuff today to make up for the fact that I will be gone for many days and will not be able to update my blog as I might like. Tomorrow morning we are driving down to Nashville to spend Thanksgiving with David's niece Amy and her fiance Jordan. I like Amy and Jordan a lot so this will be fun for me. Except for the part where we have to be in the car for three hours. I hate being in the car. And the road from here to Nashville is full of big trucks and stupid rednecks in pickups. And the minute you hit the Tennessee border you are in annoying billboard land and you have to see one hundred giant billboards that say things like "Fireworks! Beer! Adult Bookstore! Exit 35B!" or "Come See The World Famous Possum Tree Forest! Exit At Route212 And Drive 32 Miles East! We're On The Right Hand Side Right After The Muffler Shop!"

Actually, it is not so much the billboards that annoy me as much as the fact that David will not drive 32 miles East on Route 212 so that I can see the world famous Possum Tree Forest, nor will he stop for fireworks, beer and porn.

He is so boring sometimes.

Anyway, what with it being Thanksgiving (tomorrow) and all, I thought you might need an idea for left-over turkey, so here it is:

Suburbia Undercover part I

For those of you who haven't seen this in awhile, I suggest you do so now. I have no doubt that this will be featured in some sort of "Best Short Videos Of The Last Millenium" on a VH1 2075 Countdown.

Kosovo Parody Song

Janet found this classic somewhere. I have no idea how or why, but it is really funny.

Oh, So Kathleen Wants A War, Does She?

Apparently Kathleen thinks that she can get back at me by sending me a link to Ruffled Squash Boats .

Well, I know Meat! Meat! Meat! very well. Very well indeed. And so, I counter her Squash Boat with.....

Confetti Meatball Supper!

Fact Of The Day

From Wikipedia:

"A man from Sacramento CA ate 72 peeps in thirty minutes, which is a world record. "

Vegas Conflict!

I was just typing an email to Ryan about Derby festivities, when I discovered that April 21st is Thunder Over Louisville, which is the kick-off for Derby and, after Derby itself, the biggest excuse for free drinks of the entire year.

So Vegas that weekend is out. Maybe the weekend before? Or maybe later in May. We shall see.

Could my body actually tolerate a weekend in Las Vegas followed by two weeks of incessant Derby Charity Galas with Open Bars?

I need funding for a Study and some volunteer subjects to do this with me. Anyone?

Well, Kathleen Started It

Kathleen made me look at that Weight Watchers' Melon Brain so now she has to look at these Ice Cream Dessert Treats.

Or as I like to call them, "Something The Cat Threw Up".

A Big Anniversary!

You know, I almost forgot my Big Anniversary. It was 20 years ago (1986 for the mathematically challenged) that I started my illustrious career in the Travel Industry.

I don't remember the exact month, but it was in Boston in 1986 that I went to work for Bar Harbor Airlines, a commuter airline that had just signed a deal to be Eastern Express. If you remember Eastern Airlines, well, I have to break it to you: You're Old.

Anyway, I was hired as a ticket counter agent, but found myself being promoted to Supervisor in only two months. Bar Harbor was considered quite scandalous in the airline industry. Why? Well, for one thing, they hired me EVEN THOUGH I HAD AN EARRING!. Yes, a man with an earring. Shocking! Outrageous! Why, Bar Harbor was positively cutting edge.

Seriously, we were the envy of Boston Airport. Not only could men have an earring, but we had no Weigh-Ins! We did not weigh our employees to make sure that they were not Too Fat to be ticket counter agents. It is hard to believe that this was considered progressive and liberal, but it was. I must point out in all fairness that our female employees were required to wear pantyhose at all times. No joke.

I actually learned a lot from that job. Mike Bozzella was our Manager, and he is still my Manager Role Model to this day. He was always fair, always stuck up for his employees, and was always willing to take on Corporate. To this day, when interviewers ask me to describe my "Best Manager" I talk about him.

When they ask me to describe my "Worst Manager", it's Tauna Reneau all the way.

Here Is A Fun Picture That I Made

David hates his job at Chase so I made this picture for him. He didn't print it out and distribute it to his staff because he thought it might be "inappropriate". Whatever.

VEGAS!

Well, the results are in, and the vote overwhelmingly favors Vegas. David has never been, so he jumped up and down and demanded that we do it. And it is an easy city for everyone to get to. I put a call into Aaron this a.m., he works at a big hotel and has lots of contacts, and he is coming up with a Plan.

So it appears that the People Who Know Greg Convention is a go.

The tentative date is the weekend of April 20th, 2007.

Mark your calendars now.

This Is Joe's Hometown

Or at least it is the closest thing to Joe's hometown that I can find a picture of. Joe grew up in the Berkshires in Western MA which is really more like upstate NY than MA. They use the Albany airport to get in and out and they think that Boston is full of weirdos and perverts.
This is Pittsfield, MA.

The Berkshires are one of the many pretend mountains in New England. They are always claiming in New England that they have mountains but really all they have is little rolling hills.

One time we drove right through the White Mountains and didn't even realize it until we had driven so far that we knew we must have missed an exit or something. So we got out our map and realized that we had passed the "mountains" a long way back. We hadn't even noticed them.

I feel the same about their "beaches" and their "waves". One thing about growing up in the Western US is that you are not easily impressed by natural wonders elsewhere.

In Case You Are Hesitant

This is just one of the lovely recipe cards you will find on the website I mentioned below. Please visit it.

We Are The World...

Well, OK, maybe we aren't the world. But as I was talking to Pat Sue today, I realized that she doesn't know many of the people who read my blog. David House and Pat Sue have never met. Carissa and Aaron have never met. Dean and Joe have never met.

It's amazing to me that my very best friends don't live in the same city as I do.

My friends are in San Diego, and San Francisco, and Denver, and Dallas, and Chicago, and Lancaster, and Big Pine Key, and LA, and Newark and Manly Beach (Australia) and Seattle.

I hate that, because I don't have the money to fly all around the world like I want to.

I think we need to have a Convention.

Where should we have it?

Boys Will Be Abba Girls!!!

So, I have been posting video tributes to many of my friends. This one is for Aaron, although I would be greatly surprised if he reads this blog.

VOICE OF THE BEEHIVE - Monsters and Angels

In our rush to find the best 80's videos, I think we sometimes neglect the 90's. This is a wonderful song and video from one of my favorite bands. They were introduced to me by John Ahearn, who some of you may remember.

Janet hates it when I post videos. She thinks they are boring. But I think it gives everyone a little glimpse into my personality.

Plus, it's my blog and I will post whatever I like.

So there.

Robey - One Night In Bangkok (Rare 80's Music Video)

Ro-bey! Ro-bey! Ro-bey!

Dean told me that there was not enough "Dean" on my blog. So this wonderful 80's video is a special treat just for him.

I suggest that you use masking tape to put a big anchor on your sweater, that you smoke a lot of pot and drink a lot of whiskey, and that perhaps you don a red wig for full viewing pleasure.

Horrible Recipes

As you all know, I am quite the fan of vintage cookbooks featuring horrible recipes. Well, the lovely Kathleen has tipped me off to a website of Weight Watchers Recipe Cards from 1974.

Hint: CLICK HERE! CLICK HERE!

I was suitably appalled and entertained. I hope you will be , too.

Olive - I'm Not In Love

Ha! Told you! This is the song that I was thinking of.

The video may not be great but I love this song.

Army Of Lovers - Crucified

Just one more from Army of Lovers.

Just because.

Oh, that reminds me of another video I might want to post...

Army of Lovers - Israelism

OK, so I know that some of you don't like my taste in videos.

I don't care.

This is a great video. It was widely denounced in Europe as anti-semitic but, oddly, became a smash hit in Israel.

Now that I know that you are out there, David House, this is another one for you.

PS: The quality is pretty bad but it is the only copy I have found so far.

The View From The Other Side

I've recounted this to a few of you, but I think it bears posting in public...

On Thursday I was called upon to perform a service for the LEO Weekly, the newspaper that I do marketing and PR for. They were having their yearly gala Readers Choice cocktail party/charity fundraiser, and at the last minute they needed bartenders. They didn't need real bartenders who could make a Mai Tai or a Harvey Wallbanger. All of the alcohol had been donated by various brands and so we would just have to mix one or two kinds of alcohol all night. I was confident that I could do that so I signed up.

I was stationed at the Bacardi bar. We had three kinds of Bacardi: Plain, Apple, and Melon. We were making mojitos (from a bottle full of mixer stuff) with the Plain Bacardi, Apple-Cranberry Cocktails with the Apple, and a disgustingly sweet Melon-Sprite combo with the Melon that tasted just like those Jolly Rancher candies we all ate as kids. By the way, all of this was open bar, so no one had to pay for their drinks.

Anyway, the point of the story is that for the first time in my life, I was behind the bar. The event started at 7pm and went until midnight. I had a co-bartendress, Marina, and she and I diligently set the bar up as pleasingly as possible. We had Bacardi Mardi Gras beads to give out, and glow-stick bracelets, and plastic souvenir Bacardi cups. We were allowed to drink, but not get drunk. We were sorry about that last part as the night went on.

By 7:30 we were pouring drinks and discussing the merits of the various Bacardi flavors.

By 10:00pm, I was fending off the advances of drunken 20-something sorority girls who wanted to "do a shot" with me, I was draping multiple strands of beads over drunken frat boys, I was telling people that even though glow-sticks were so '95 they were still cool for putting them down the front of their pants or wearing them in their hair.

By 11:30 pm I was wearily giving anyone who came to my bar any alcohol I had left and mixing it with whatever I had left. Or with nothing. I actually gave one guy a bottle that was a third full of Apple Rum just so he would go away.

In short, I got to deal with Me.

I got to see how I had looked over the years to all of those bartenders in San Diego and Salt Lake and Chicago and every place I have ever traveled.

I got to see how it looks to be the one that won't go home as long there is a free drink to be had, even though the party has been over for a long, long time.

But you know, it wasn't all that bad. It was kinda cool to have a local rocker boy who was young enough to be my son come up to me, grab my hand and say "Dude, you are the coolest, let's do a shot!". It was fun to talk to people who were so drunk that they just blurted out whatever was on their mind at the time. I learned a lot of secrets on Thursday.

But all in all, I don't think I want to be a bartender. Do you guys remember when I thought that would be fun? I was wrong.

It was a nice night, but definitely not a career. If I have to choose, I prefer to be the guy who is begging for the last leftover alcohol and has to be helped into a cab.

Trust me, as ugly as that sounds, it is better than having to help clean up after the lights come on.

Teenage Manners In The 1950's

This is a very important film. It will teach you all valuable lessons in manners. Do you know how to behave with the usher at a picture show? I thought not. Watch this immediately.

The Revenge Of The Urban Archipelago

For those of you who are not familiar with the concept of the Blue Urban Archipelago, you might want to read this first.

Most of you live in one of the Urban Islands. You'll notice that on my profile I refer to Louisville as a Blue Island in a Sea of Red. And that is true in a lot of places. If you live in Chicago, Denver, New Orleans, Nashville, Atlanta, St Louis, Kansas City or Austin, all you have to do is get in your car and drive for a half and hour and you will find yourself in the middle of Bible Land. In some places the islands are even tinier. Downtown Dallas is a completely different world from even the nearest suburbs. Same for downtown San Diego, Phoenix or Salt Lake. In those places a few blocks, not a few miles, can make the difference.

Anyway, I've noticed that here in Louisville resentment against the Republican, Christian, Rural parts of the state has been growing. After the last presidential election, Louisvillians were annoyed that the rest of Kentucky had voted for Bush. They felt like a resident of Possum Trot ( a real place!) didn't really have any say-so on The War On Terra, since there were no likely terrorist targets in the Greater Posuum Trot area. They didn't really like these people coming here to Louisville on weekends to shop or eat out and then trying to legislate our lifestyles at the state leve when they went back home. And they most certainly were tired of them blathering on about their churches or coming here on "missions" to convert us or protesting us in our own backyards while accepting all of the tax dollars that flow out of the city and into the rural subsidies.

So I think yesterday's election has a lot more to do with Urbanites telling the hicks to stay home and shut the fuck up than anything else.

What do you think?

Yarmuth Won!

David and I got a nice surprise tonight when our underdog Democratic candidate won the election. I am sure Anne Northup is surprised that few people fell for her "oh, I was all about George Bush a while back, but that was SOOOO two months ago, and now I want him or Rumsfield or whomever fired" schtick.

And so Louisville is now solidly liberal. We have a Jewish Democratic Mayor, a democratic city council, and now, finally, a liberal Congressman.

My goal is for Louisville to become the New New Orleans. Seriously. We have 4 am alcohol, we have a crumbling romantic historic district, we have riverboats and ghosts and ne'er-do-wells. What more does a convention town need?

Nicki French Total Eclipse Of The Heart

I have nothing to add. Nothing.

Well, David House, if you are out there, and if you read my blog, this is for you.

This is one of the coolest 90's videos ever.

Shakespears Sister - Hello (Turn Your Radio On)

OK, Marcella Detroit has the best guitar solo in the world. I am serious. In the world.

IN....THE....WORLD!

Emma Shapplin

I first heard this CD in Buenos Aires. I had a horrible time in Argentina. But I wanted to buy something that reminded me of my trip. And this CD was it.

Since my return I have played this CD for many friends. They have all loved it.

H And Claire - All Outta Love

So, how much do you hate it when the Help falls in love with you? It has ruined more than one of my dinner parties, I must say.

This Is What Makes Me Feel Old

This picture makes me feel old. This is a picture from our street in Philadelphia. To me, Philadelphia was just a few years ago. But to them, it is long lost and forgotten.

Rhys now lives in Billings, MT. And Alix is married and has a child of her own. She lives in Moses Lake, WA.

Garbage You look so fine

And this post is for Julie. We listened to this song about one hundred thousand times in Chicago. Every time I hear it I think of her.

The Last Beat of My Heart - Siouxsie and the Banshees

This post is really just for Ryan. You guys can watch the video if you want, but I doubt that it will mean anything to you. It means a lot to me. I think it might mean a lot to Ryan too. Well, I hope so.

Jasmine Guy - Another Like My Lover

I am so totally posting this again. This is probably the gayest video ever. Jasmine Guy...Dancing Pirates...Moody Photography...and a Liza Cabaret Nod!

Stunning, simply stunning.

Steps - Love U More (taken from their first video)

Allright. I have told everyone about one million times about how much I love Steps. They are probably my most favoritist pop group in the world. So this is their first video. And it is not only by Steps, but it is a cover of one of my most favoritist 90's songs ever: Love U More, by Sunscream. I love, love, love this song. And I love Steps. So this is, like, the most perfectest song ever.

Why Is Pat Sue Dressed Like A Pirate? I Don't Know. Maybe I Will Never Know.

Yah Yah Roly....Poly!

Here Are Some Recipes You Might Want To Try

Weird Louisville Fact

All of the world's disco balls are made at National Products, which is located at 900 Baxter Ave, just down the street from us. Our corner is Goddard and Baxter.

It is across the street from Molly Malone's, where Kathleen and David and I had lunch one day. So, Kathleen, you ate lunch across the street from the place where they make disco balls.

Not everyone can say that.

I Am A Failure As A Papparazzo

I try to take Kelsea's picture and this is the level of interest that I get. I'll bet Ashley Simpson would have at least tried to feign interest. Or would have tried to hide her bottle of tequila

Kelsea was just bored by the whole thing.

I Like This Picture

This gives you an idea of how beautiful the sky is today. This is the ornamental grass that separates our yard from the neighbor's.

Corn Head Greg And David

Corn Head Greg and David sit on the mantel. They have wiggly feet and they have hats that have corn on the top. They get to sit up there until Thanksgiving and then they have to go back in the box, which they hate. They wish they could stay out all year. But they can't. Because they have corn hats and wiggly feet and they are only for Fall.

I Cleverly Turned The Fountain Into An Autumn Wonderland

I did it myself! I put a mini-pumpkin on the top and then I put a garland of Autumn Leaves all around the other parts and I made it into a beautiful fall lawn ornament.

Why does "autumn" have that extra "n" on the end? We don't say it. It's just stuck there. It's kind of weird when you think about it. Maybe "autum" should get some sort of restraining order against that "n" that is stalking it.

Tiny Baby Maple Tree

Look! Here is a tiny baby maple tree that sprouted up this summer in our ivy. We don't know how it got there but it made pretty fall colors for us even though it is just a baby.

Random Pictures Of Fall

Stevie Nicks - Stand Back - 1983 Appearence

Oh...My...God!

This is quite possibly the best 80's video I have ever seen. I don't know why I haven't seen it before. This is why the 80's still rule.

First of all, Stevie Nicks is singing LIVE. No Britney Spears lip synch for her. Why? Because she can actually sing. That's why.

The hair, the clothes, the dancing, the band...it all perfectly sums up the 80's experience.

My favorite part is where the back up dancer comes out. I totally had that outfit AND that haircut. And my dream job was to be a backup dancer. So that guy is pretty much Greg 1983.

The Armpit Of The State - Bakersfield, California

Sigh. My hometown. And all too true.

Petula Clark - Downtown

Here is a little-known fact about my life. I think I was in the third grade. Maybe the second grade. Anyway, a bunch of us decided to do an interpretive dance to this song for our grammar school's lunch time Arts Appreciation Moment. And so we practiced and practiced, and then we performed on stage at the Eissler Elementary Lunchroom. We were a big hit. Bakersfield, CA saw a little bit of London, England that day. And I , for one, was never the same.

Jesus Christ - The Musical

Well, this is pretty much guaranteed to offend someone. Maybe not you, devoted readers, but someone.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Fun Holidays Are Over

This photo is a little blurry but it gives you an idea of what my Dia de los Muertos shrine looked like when all of the candles were lit. I am walking around the house deciding which things are Thanksgiving-y enough to keep out for the rest of the month. I like fall decorations. Today I am going to buy some pilgrims and turkeys and indians and such. I think I will start off by posting some Thanksgiving pictures.

My Dia De Los Muertos Shrine

I made this little shrine for Dia de los Muertos. Last night I lit all of the candles, and I will light them again tonight. After tonight Halloween, All Saints, All Souls, Samhain, and Dia de los Muertos will be over for another year.

For me this is the hardest part of the year. I am one of the few people left on this Earth who refuses to have anything to do with the Holiday That Does Not Know Its Place until after Thanksgiving. When I was a kid Thanksgiving was a really big deal. We decorated with corn and pumpkins and drew pictures of pilgrims and traced our hands and made turkeys.

Now, nobody cares aboout Thanksgiving. It is just an excuse to eat turkey, watch stupid football games and argue with your family.

But I will not give up. Over the next few weeks you can expect many Thanksgiving posts. And nothing for the Holiday That Does Not Know Its Place until I say so. So there.

Dia De Los Muertos

I have several Day of The Dead pictures that I will be posting over the next two days.