Happy New Year!

Happy New Year Everyone!

Well, I'm Back

It has been a long week. And the weekend doesn't look much better.

I hate New Year's Eve.

I thought about ending this blog forever, but a nice pep talk from a certain Miss Alexis Gentry made me see the error of my ways.

And a special thanks to my sister, Monica, and my brother-in-law, Dan, for getting me through this last week. My lunch with them was my Christmas this year.

Dan is one of the coolest guys I know. He puts up with my sister, my parents and me. And trust me, that is no small task.

And he likes bourbon. It doesn't get much cooler than that.

Anyway, I'll get back to regular blogging after the New Year. Until then, enjoy some of my favorite pictures.

Out Of The Office

I will be away In California until Dec 29th, when I will be back here in Louisville. I will probably not be checking email until I get back.

In the meantime, please enjoy a series of Holiday Pictures.

Merry Whatever-You-Celebrate, everyone!

Greg

Run! Run For Your Lives!

A gigantic snowman!!!! AAAAAAAH!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHH! Run away! Run away! Oh, dear Jesus, Mary and Joseph, it's going to kill me! Oh, dear God, why? Why Frosty, why?

Amusing Inspiration

I was telling Rhys yesterday about how my drawing style and humor was greatly influenced by the cartoonist B. Kliban. He had never heard of him. I think many people nowadays have not. So I decided to dig out my B. Kliban book "Never Eat Anything Bigger Than Your Head", and I scanned three of my favorite drawings for your amusement.

Dinner Suggestion

This is from my "After Work Cookbook" (1974).

Since you all work and are very busy, I thought you might appreciate a quick and easy idea for tonight's dinner. Note that this is not the franks 'n' sauerkraut that you usually make. "Cheese soup and caraway add a new twist" to this timeless classic. And please do take the time to slash the franks. It adds a special touch and we all know that presentation is everything.

We Set A Record Today!

Our high was 70 degrees. The highest ever recorded on this date. It is 1:25 am (I can't sleep again), and it is 60 degrees outside. We have had the upstairs A/C on all day because the TV room got too hot and stuffy if we didn't.

I went out on the porch a while back. It was 72 degrees on the porch. Of course, we have all of the storm windows up.

My plants love it. Some of the tropical plants are blooming. And our utilities are ridiculously low. But still....

The last time they had weather like this in December it came with tornadoes. I looked it up.

The internet can be a terrible thing sometimes....

Fun For You!

Using the picture below, you can make your own Dreidel for Hanukkah! Then you can sing the song! Hint: Click on the picture to make it bigger, so it will be big enough to cut out when you print it.

Quote Of The Day, With Commentary and Rant

"Chains make a large range of choices available in more places. They increase local variety, even as they reduce the differences from place to place. People who mostly stay put get to have experiences once available only to frequent travelers, and this loss of exclusivity is one reason why frequent travelers are the ones who complain. " - Virginia Postrel from an Atlantic artcle.


Me: She is exactly right. I am one of those travelers and I absolutely resent the fact that there is an increase in local variety and a reduction in differences from place to place. But not for the reason she proposes. It is not that travel is exclusive. It is the fact that travel is completely inclusive that makes the modern situation so horrible.

Travel has become so easy and so cheap that only the poorest of Americans don't have the option to travel. I did not have money to travel beacuse I was rich. I had money to travel because I was willing to sacrifice a few minor things so that I could afford to travel. I did without a car, even back when I used to like driving, because I would rather spend $500 on a plane ticket than on a month's car payment and insurance. I did without cable TV for most of my adult life because $50 was a hotel room instead of a month of shopping netorks and gardening shows. I could go on but I guess you see the point.

I made an effort. I tried. I got off my ass, put aside my fears, and went out into the world. I did not come from an adventurous family. I stumbled around cities where I didn't speak a word of the local language. I got lost. I ran out of money and ate bread and cheese in my hotel room.

My reward? I got to see, do , experience, eat and enjoy things that I couldn't at home.

Damn right I'm bitter that the lazy complacent fools I left behind now want all of it brought to them. You want to shop at Macy's? Go to New York. You want to eat real Italian food? Sell your SUV and you can go to Italy for a month.

People who "mostly stay put" have made their choice in life. If you mostly stay put, you don't get variety. But why am I surprised at this attitude ? The biggest complainers here in Louisville are the people that chose to buy a 3,000 sq. ft. tract home in a suburb located 30 miles out of town. Every day in the paper we are forced to hear their litany of complaints: the traffic on their commute is awful, gas prices are high, it costs too much to heat 3,000 sq. ft, the city isn't doing enough to make their life more comfortable, the schools are too far from their McMansion.

Well, suck it up. There is a simple answer. Sell your McMansion, sell two of your four cars, and move into a smaller home centrally located that is near your work and where your kids can walk to school. Thousands upon thousands of people in Louisville do just that. Oh, and Mr. Suburbanite: Don't expect a real Parisian bakery or a New York deli to come to your neighborhood. You don't deserve them.

OK. This has been an all-inclusive rant.

Feel free to comment as you see fit.

As Requested By Joe!

Our Lady Of The Chicago Underpass

I Almost Forgot My Favorite Blog

Seriously, this guy is my hero:

Fred On Everything

Please read everything he has written.

Quote Of The Day

"The corporate world, with its materialistic gospel of career-is-everything; aided and abetted by over-priced colleges, has made an art of blackmailing young people into thinking they will face certain ruin unless they spend a fortune on school. The schools have a vested interest in making sure everyone waits for just about everything in life, except running up school debt while working for the modern equivalent of the company store. "

- Frank Schaeffer on Huffington Post

I Feel Bad Because I Forgot

December 12 was Virgin of Guadalupe Day. If you have ever visited my house you know that I have many Virgin of Guadalupe items. I almost forgot that December 12 was Guadalupe Day. It is a huge holiday in Mexico.

To make up for it, here are some lovely pictures for you to enjoy.

What I Read, And Why

I'm sure many of you are wondering what blogs I read besides No Blue Drinks and No Blue Drinks On Fire. First, I would like to point out that I would read No Blue Drinks On Fire a lot more if you all would actually post something. Yes, I know you are all Very Busy People. Yawn.

Anyway, every single day I read certain blogs that keep me informed and up to date on the world. They vary from right-wing to left-wing to middle-wing to snotty-wing to mean-wing to....what? Oh, apparently I'm off track. Again.

So, here is what I read everyday:

Smart Blogs: These are blogs that are, obviously, written by Smart People. I am not going to make a link thing here because that would require extra typing and I hate typing. So, I will just tell you the name of the smart blogs and I trust that you are all smart enough to find them. You may not agree with all of their opinions (I often don't), but you will find their logic and intelligence superb.
1. Balloon Juice
2. Sadly, No
3. World O'Crap
4. Vox Popoli
5. Q and O
6. James Wolcott

Stupid, Boring Blogs: These are blogs by stupid, boring people who actually think that anyone cares about their opinions. These blogs are important, because they help to remind you just how dull and ignorant most Americans are. What's funny is that these people don't know that they are stupid and boring, so their websites are really pompous. They like to toss the phrase "American Culture" around a lot. They think that it is worth saving. But what they think is worth saving is not actually worth saving. It is suburban white Christian SUV Mcmansion America. Totally disposable.

1. RedState
2. RedState
3. RedState

Seriously, just read RedState. It will let you know the level of stupidity that we are up against.

Crazy Blogs: Writen by insane hysterics. Always, always read Michelle Malkin. This is the quickest way to find out what is absolutely of no impotance whatsoever. I guarantee if Michelle is writing about it, it is completely irrelevant.

World Net Daily is where the super crazies hang out. You might find an article about a 9/11 conspirancy right next to an article entitled "Was BigFoot On Noah's Ark?". Always good for a laugh.

Scary Blogs: Don't ever go to Little Green Footballs, Town Hall, or Free Republic. These are the guys who live in their parent's basement, wear camouflage, and have a subscription to "Soldier Of Fortune".

Commodious Wiener Has Granted My Financing Order!

I just got this email. I am very happy and excited. Just look:

"The brokers is extremely enthusiastic to take your house refinancing requisition
acceptance. we attained roughly 14 hours ago. We are granting your financing order
You have to please promptly insert your last information on the website
www.wiener.commodiousq,drab%2godover.com"

Oh...My...God!

I am soooo happy. I have Commodious Wiener granting my financing order! And they is
extremely enthusiastic!

My life is good...sooo good...and it was attained roughly 14 hours ago.

You all must be SOOOO jealous!!

Headline Of The Day

"CSN of Brazil Tops Tata Bid"

I don't think CSN of Brazil had the top Tata bid. I know many people who would pay a lot for Tata's. Or maybe Ta-Ta's. I'm not really sure of the spelling.

I just thought of something. Is Ta-Ta's just a personal slang for boobies? Do any of the rest of you say, "Good Lord! She has humongous Ta-Ta's!", or is that just me and my friends?

Which leads me to another question. Do you think the restaurant chain "Hooters" would be as popular (or even legal), if it was called "Ginormous Jugs", "Huge Tracts Of Land", or "Really Super Big Ta-Ta's"?.

Just askin'

Her Boots Are Made For Walkin' All Over Pat Sue's Sister's Ass!

From The Vail Trail (newspaper)

"The director of the Vail Performing Arts Academy, said she’s all for cosmetic surgery and that she wished it weren’t so expensive. “I want it bad, but I can’t afford it. I think after a certain age, it’s good but you don’t want to turn into Nancy Sinatra … She looks like a frickin’ Muppet. "

Yes, this quote is from the local Vail newspaper. And the quote is from Pat Sue's sister. Alexis' dear auntie.

You probably wonder why you care. Well, you care, because MISS NANCY SINATRA herself called Pat Sue's sister to tell her that she did not find the article amusing. Not at all. You see, Nancy Sinatra has never had plastic surgery. And she told Pat Sue's sister in no uncertain terms that the she did not appreciate having her name associated with a lie in a Vail newspaper. Or being called a... what was the term?...Oh, yes...a "frickin' Muppet"

And so now we are all famous.

We know someone whose sister was verbally bitch-slapped by Nancy Sinatra.

Understated Headline Of The Day

"E Coli Could Hurt Taco Bell Sales"

(from AP)

Snow!

I thought that our warm-climate friends might enjoy this picture of the first snow-fall.

You Can Not Believe How Happy This Photo Makes Me

I have been hoping that the 80's would make it back in a Big Way, and Gwen Stefani has made it possible for me.

This is a quintessential 80's hairdo. It makes me want to watch a Human League video. It makes me want to Pogo. It makes me want to put on a pair of fingerless gloves.

The best part is that she looks gorgeous. Seriously, I have never seen Gwen Stefani look bad.

However, a critic of her hair said it looked like "something out of the Fifth Element."

Which is weird, because the Fifth Element came out in 1997, which would mean that the 80's are not back at all. Instead the late 90's are back.

Oh, dear Lord. How will I ever figure out which drug I'm suposed to take until I know which era is in again?

How The Bat Hid In The Christmas Tree Without Being Noticed

The story didn't mention how the bat managed to hide in the tree, but I believe I can present a plausible solution here:

It's All Fun And Games Until There Is A Bat Hiding In The Christmas Tree

From ATT Worldnet:

"NIPOMO - A Nipomo woman got bitten by a bat hiding in a Christmas tree delivered to her home. Sheila Kearns received the tree Sunday from Holloway's Christmas Trees in Nipomo.
While decorating the tree that night, Kearns got two puncture wounds in her right wrist when she reached inside. She thought she had been pricked by pine needles. But Monday morning, Kearns noticed the bat hanging in her home and called the tree farm."

One note: Nipomo is a town in California

Another note: The bat was not rabid

I Admit It, I Used To Hate Xtina

Yes, I did. I hated Miss Christina Aguilera. But now I love her. I just downloaded her entire CD. Her single, "Hurt", is painfully beautiful. She has a voice that could kick your drunken ass to the curb and back, and then kick you back to the curb again and make you wait for the taxi that she might, or might not, call for you on her cell phone.

What I find particularly funny is that every Christina Aguilera fan has to make a point of the fact that they hate Britney Spears. Seriously. 90% of Ms. Aguilera's hard core fan mail starts with something like this:

"How can a spooge-filled slack-titted white-trash cum-sucking pig like Britney even breathe the same air as you? I mean, she is a serious douche-bag with Down's Syndrome who is probably a Republican. Or worse."

Yes. It's true.

Ms. Aguilera is WAY more talented than Ms. Spears. But so is our tiny dog, Kelsea.

Be Adequite

This is now the proper way to sign a letter, end a phone conversation, or dismiss the help.

Thanks to Ms. Lohan, we can all tell unto others to "Be Adequite".

What with this and PopoZao, it really has been a banner year for the English Language.

Quote Of The Day: I Know It's Easy To Make Fun Of Lindsay Lohan But This Is Too Good To Pass Up

This is the Official Press Release from Lindsay Lohan re: the death of Robert Altman this week. If you can make any sense out of it you are WAY smarter than me:

"I would like to send my condolences out to Catherine Altman, Robert Altmans wife, as well as all of his immediate family, close friends, co-workers, and all of his inner circle.

I feel as if I've just had the wind knocked out of me and my heart aches.

If not only my heart but the heart of Mr. Altman's wife and family and many fellow actors/artists that admire him for his work and love him for making people laugh whenever and however he could..

Robert altman made dreams possible for many independent aspiring filmmakers, as well as creating roles for countless actors.

I am lucky enough to of been able to work with Robert Altman amongst the other greats on a film that I can genuinely say created a turning point in my career.

I learned so much from Altman and he was the closest thing to my father and grandfather that I really do believe I've had in several years.

The point is, he made a difference.

He left us with a legend that all of us have the ability to do. So every day when you wake up. Look in the mirror and thank god for every second you have and cherish all moments. The fighting, the anger, the drama is tedious.

Please just take each moment day by day and consider yourself lucky to breathe and feel at all and smile. Be thankful.

Life comes once, doesn't 'keep coming back' and we all take such advantage of what we have. When we shouldn't..... '

Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourselves' (12st book) -everytime there's a triumph in the world a million souls hafta be trampled on.-altman Its true. But treasure each triumph as they come.

If I can do anything for those who are in a very hard time right now, as I'm one of them with hearing this news, please take advantage of the fact that I'm just a phone call away.

God Bless, peace and love always.

Thank You,
BE ADEQUITE
Lindsay Lohan"

I Got My Wish. It Is Cold. Really Cold.

It seems like only a few days ago that I was complaining about how it was oddly warm here.

It is 16 degrees right now. At 9am.

But it is really sunny, so it is one of those days that tricks you. When I sit on the sun-filled porch with my lovely plants and my cup of coffee, I think that I could take a nice stroll around the neighborhood. Then I open the door and the Arctic blast hits me and I go back inside to lay in bed to drink coffee and wine and eat snacks all day while watching reruns of Law and Order.

This Explains A Lot

I was reading the Wikipedia biography of Sinead O'Connor, and I really feel like this line sort of sums it all up:

"However, her shoplifting and truancy led to her being placed in a reform school at age 15, the Grinan Training Centre run by the Sisters of Our Lady of Charity. "

See, people. This is what happens.

Shoplifting and truancy lead to reform school, which eventually leads to being Sinead O'Connor.

There is a lesson here which I hope you heed.

Joe Wins!

Joe was the first person to correctly identify my previous blog post as being in the Georgian Alphabet.

I have no idea what it says exactly but it is from a Wikipedia article, in Georgian, about Tbilisi (Tiflis), the capital of Georgia.

Watch for more alphabet fun!

What The Hell Does This Mean?

I am looking through the "Help Wanted" section of the Courier-Journal Online and I just came across an ad for a "Derivative Accountant"

Does this mean anything to anyone?

Ha! One Person Has Taken The Bait!

Ha!

It is NOT Tamil. Now I want to see who can get it right.

Try again!

V საუკუნეში ვახტანგ გორგასალმა დაარსა თბილისი. ამ ამბავზე არსებობს ლეგენდა. ამ ლეგენდის მიხედვით გორგასალმა მიმინო დაადევნა ხოხობს, უცებ ორივე გაუჩინარდა. ვახტანგმა ძებნა დაუწყო და ორივე აღმოაჩინა ჩახრჩობილი თბილ წყალში. ეს წყალი იყო სამკურნალო და ვახტანგმა მსახურებს უბრძანა ამ ადგილას აეშენებინათ ქალაქი, რომელსაც ერქვა ”ტბილისი”.

Have You Ever Blogged While Drunk?

That was a question that a reader submitted to Andrew Sullivan recently.

If any of my readers would like to know if I have ever blogged drunk, the answer is "Fuck Yeah!"

A Very Good Question

I had an (anonymous) former party pal pose a very good question.

Why is it that when you go to a party where EVERYONE is doing cocaine, they still insist on doing it in the bathroom? Off the back of a toilet?

Everyone pretends that they are not doing cocaine, when it is obvious that they are. And then they all make up stupid excuses to go to the bathroom, when it is obvious to all other party-goers that they are going to do cocaine.

And then all of the other party-goers pretend that they don't know that the other party-goers are doing cocaine in the bathroom, then they fake an excuse to go and do cocaine in the bathroom, all the while pretending that no one else knows that they are doing cocaine in the bathroom, off the back of the toilet, then they go back out into the party and pretend that they don't know about toilet-back-cocaine-snorting.

My head hurts. Maybe some cocaine will help.

Oh No! Pirates!

So Last Night I Drank Too Much Wine

I went, as promised, to my event in downtown Louisville. There was free wine everywhere, so I drank it. By ten p.m. I was home in bed.

When did that happen? When did "too much wine" translate into "home in bed by 10pm"?

I used to go out all night. I used to drink so much that I vomited in the gutter and then went back for another round.

And, I felt like shit today. I felt light-headed, and shaky, and nauseous, and head-achy and I had to go to the store and get Alka-Seltzer (actually Best Choice Effervescent Pain Relief, the store brand), and the worst part was that I was hungry and nauseous at the same time, so I wanted to eat but the thought of food made me want to barf.

And let's just think about this a second. It was "too much wine" that kicked my ass to the curb. Not "too much tequila" or "too much vodka" or "too much LSD with a meth chaser". No.

Just wine.

I am turning into my grandmother as we speak.

On the plus side, I bought a Virgin of Guadalupe Belt Buckle.

I Have Absolutely No Reason For Posting This, I am Just Bored, And I Think It Is Funny, And Now I Have To Go To Work And Drink Wine At A Gallery.

Important!

From ATT Worldnet News. This is what I saw when I checked my email. It is very important:

"A gust of up to 50 miles an hour toppled a tree onto a mobile home in Greencastle, Ind., 40 miles west of Indianapolis."

More About Manila

After reading about the red-hot boulders that were falling out of the Phillipine skies, I decided to read up on Manila. It seemed prudent for me to know when it was the Raining Red-Hot Boulder Season, should I ever decide to travel there.

While reading Wikipedia about Manila, I came across the following:

"Manila got its name from may nilad, Tagalog for "there is nilad," in reference to the flowering mangrove plant that grew on the marshy shores of the bay"

I am not sure exactly what a flowering mangrove looks like, but I didn't let that stop me from drawing a picture of the founding of Manila. Since I think that the first people to shriek "There Is Nilad!" might have been pirates or bucaneers, I have drawn the clothing in a stripedy manner to reflect that.

Southern Exposition

This is a postcard from 1883 of the Southern Exposition. This was when Louisville was trying to position itself as the "Gateway To The South". Rather than "Gateway To The South", Louisville should have been known as "The Only Southern City That Was Not Destroyed In The Civil War Because We Pretended To Be On The Side Of The North Even Though We Didn't Free Our Slaves And We Secretly Helped The South".

The big draw for the 1883 Exposition was that new-fangled invention, the Electric Light.

Each evening thousands would gather to watch light bulbs turn on. Really.

The Southern Exposition ran for four years, then it was all torn down and they built Old Louisville on top of it. Only it wasn't called Old Louisville then because it was new. But they didn't call it New Louisville either. They didn't really call it anything at all.

Manila Weather Report

Clive And Jasmine

“Oh Clive, my dearest love, I am so enjoying our morning constitutional.”

“Oh, Jasmine, my heart, my soul, my muse, I, too, am enjoying our ramble in the first blush of the rosy dawn.”

“Oh, Clive, did you ever think that life could be so wonderful?”

“No, my dearest, I did not. Not even in my wildest imaginings did I hope for us to be so blessed.”

“I know, my dearest Clive, I know. How singularly lucky are we to have by happenstance become the guardians of so many ducklings?”

“I know, my love, my pet. Oft times I feel I must pinch myself as a reminder that this is not a dream. We have been the most fortunate of humankind, having been given a gaggle of ducklings to raise as our own!”

“Oh Clive, I cannot wait! I long to hear their merry quacking! Pine to see their waddling gait! Oh Clive! Oh Clive! Tell me that we are at last near!”

“Oh....oh my word....oh dearest Jasmine! I know not what to say!”

“Why Clive, why? What is amiss?”

“Oh dearest Jasmine! Oh love of my life! A foul misfortune has been thrust upon us!”

“Oh Clive!....Oh Clive! Tell me, Oh Dear God....Tell Me!....Is it...?”

“Oh Dear God Jasmine! Yes! Oh Yes! It’s what we fear most!..... Our ducklings have been stomped!”

Headline Of The Day

From USA Today:

"Duckling Stomping Brings Fear"

It's Very, Very Windy Today

They are telling us to stay inside because of the wind.

However, I just read this little fact in USA Today, and I am now not so much scared of the wind as I might be. I mean, the weather here in Louisville could be worse. Like what they are having in the Phillipines:

"Typhoon Durian caused flash floods and sent walls of muddy volcanic ash and red-hot boulders crashing down on several villages, the officials said."

So far, no red hot boulders in Louisville, but I will remain vigilant just in case.